Tank: A(head) of HIs Time

So a few days ago, R&B singer Tank set the world on fire while on Angela Yee's show Lip Service.  Asked whether or not a man who performs same-sex fellatio once (or twice) is classifiably gay, Tank essentially offered the opinion that he doesn't believe said man is gay simply because he experimented. 

Now, of course people (Read Cis-Het black men, closet-cases, and a lot of black women) are upset, calling him gay, congratulating him on coming out, and a whole lot of other non-sense. None of it is surprising; it only amplifies the already all too present homophobic sentiments that have long been characteristic of black communities.

I applaud Tank for being honest about his opinions and solid in his stance.  It speaks to the kind of maturity we really need to see more of in an era where every other discussion seems to be about "Toxic Masculinity." Yet here we have a black man who is defying every toxic impulse, and rather than being celebrated for it, he is publicly castigated.

Here's the thing:  You can't devote the kind of energy people are obviously investing into attempting to shame this man online—which essentially chastises  black men for even openly expressing their honest IDEAS about sexuality—then complain constantly that black men are not honest enough about their sexuality.  YOU CREATED THE SPACE WHEREIN HONESTY IS NOT A SOCIALLY ACCEPTED POSSIBILITY! 

You're the problem.

Another thing:  You can't set up a world where women are free to have bisexual encounters and explore their sexuality without it defining them, but men are not allowed to do the same.  What exactly is the difference?

Also at issue here is the fact that sexuality is fluid, but most importantly, it's personal.  It's unfortunate that so many people define themselves and their choices by what is publicly acceptable rather than what is personally acceptable. If you want to experiment, DO YOU.  At the end of the day, the only people present in that room are you and your partner.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with a person figuring out what they like.

A major part of the problem around this issue is fear.  Not fear of trying something new; fear of liking something different.  Most have solidified within their own minds that as a gendered/sexed body there is only one pathway to pleasure.  That is a lie.  I find that people are generally afraid of finding out that what they have always thought to be true in this regard may not actually be true. 

I get it, it's potentially disorienting, life-changing, and earth-shattering.  But it's a shake-up that you should experience IF YOU WANT TO.  You won't die, I promise you.