The PLS Monthly (Issue No. 1)

Masculinity In the Mirror

While last week was the week of Pharrell's "New Masculinity" *eyeroll,* this week is all about Tank's  views on gay sex.  It's great that we're having conversations that used to be off-limits.  Most especially, it's great that we're collectively attempting to engage healthy conversations about black men's sexuality.  I know that we've got some growing to do to get "there," but along the journey we've got to stop contradicting ourselves.  

Last week people celebrated Pharrell for doing what black queer men have been doing since ... forever—being divergent and softer in his fashion choices.  This week Tank took us a step further into the sexuality void and, shirtless body be DAMN, tried like Moses to lead black people into open-mindedness regarding black men's right to sexplore.  Needless to say, the people ain't having it.  It appears folks like their straights untainted and their queers extra-legibly and identifiably queer—it's a "NO DECEPTICON" zone where blackness is concerned.  

The problem in all this is the glaring contradiction in the fact that apparently people want black men to be free, while at the same time wanting them to be bound.  They don't know what freedom looks like.  Freedom, if we go by this series of events, is purely external.  So no, you don't have to wear Timberlands and fitted baseball caps anymore; we've taken that off the list of black male requirements.  But don't you dare even think about sexploration in order to figure out if maybe there are other pleasure possibilities you might be interested in.  I have a sneaky suspicion it has much to do with insecurities and notions of sexual "competition," but don't have the time here to unpack that.  

The major point I'd like to make here is that the more we do to clarify black masculinity, the more we seem to muck it all up.  Further, we do all the mucking blindly, not realizing that we're asking for two different things that are actually one in the same.  Pharrell's external embrace of the divine feminine within tells us nothing about the remnants of toxic masculinity that may well be lurking on the inside.  Tank's articulation of open thought does more to undo the toxicity everyone has long been complaining about.  Yet Tank's kind of radical progressivism is rejected because it apparently goes too far.  

The moral of the story is that there is a very problematic investment in aesthetics that does nothing to transform the much deeper seat of masculinist trauma from which the toxicity emerges.  Yes, I'm calling it trauma because the insistence on particular performances of masculinity that meets us at birth are in and of themselves a form of violence, an assault on the vast possibilities black men are disallowed because they are interdicted at the door.   It's traumatic in ways that many men are not even aware constitute trauma.  To be cut off from oneself before ever even being able to construct individual selfhood is disabling.  It is akin to cutting off a man's legs at birth and giving him prosthetics, fake apparatuses, before he has ever even realized his own natural capacity to walk or run.  He learns to walk on artifice, and to run on falsehood.  He will also eventually outgrow his prosthetics and be limited in that same set of abilities because the original apparatuses are so juvenile and unnecessary they can never serve him in his maturity. 

Frederick Douglass said, "It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men."  In this moment, I think we're finding out precisely that.  

Tank: A(head) of HIs Time

So a few days ago, R&B singer Tank set the world on fire while on Angela Yee's show Lip Service.  Asked whether or not a man who performs same-sex fellatio once (or twice) is classifiably gay, Tank essentially offered the opinion that he doesn't believe said man is gay simply because he experimented. 

Now, of course people (Read Cis-Het black men, closet-cases, and a lot of black women) are upset, calling him gay, congratulating him on coming out, and a whole lot of other non-sense. None of it is surprising; it only amplifies the already all too present homophobic sentiments that have long been characteristic of black communities.

I applaud Tank for being honest about his opinions and solid in his stance.  It speaks to the kind of maturity we really need to see more of in an era where every other discussion seems to be about "Toxic Masculinity." Yet here we have a black man who is defying every toxic impulse, and rather than being celebrated for it, he is publicly castigated.

Here's the thing:  You can't devote the kind of energy people are obviously investing into attempting to shame this man online—which essentially chastises  black men for even openly expressing their honest IDEAS about sexuality—then complain constantly that black men are not honest enough about their sexuality.  YOU CREATED THE SPACE WHEREIN HONESTY IS NOT A SOCIALLY ACCEPTED POSSIBILITY! 

You're the problem.

Another thing:  You can't set up a world where women are free to have bisexual encounters and explore their sexuality without it defining them, but men are not allowed to do the same.  What exactly is the difference?

Also at issue here is the fact that sexuality is fluid, but most importantly, it's personal.  It's unfortunate that so many people define themselves and their choices by what is publicly acceptable rather than what is personally acceptable. If you want to experiment, DO YOU.  At the end of the day, the only people present in that room are you and your partner.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with a person figuring out what they like.

A major part of the problem around this issue is fear.  Not fear of trying something new; fear of liking something different.  Most have solidified within their own minds that as a gendered/sexed body there is only one pathway to pleasure.  That is a lie.  I find that people are generally afraid of finding out that what they have always thought to be true in this regard may not actually be true. 

I get it, it's potentially disorienting, life-changing, and earth-shattering.  But it's a shake-up that you should experience IF YOU WANT TO.  You won't die, I promise you. 

Welcome!

Thanks for visiting the blog!  You may already be aware that PeaceLoveSoul started off as a podcast that explores a variety of issues like spirituality, religion, masculinity, mental health, race, et.al.  This blog is an accompaniment to the podcast as there are some topics that I am sometimes interested in generating discussion around, but not necessarily devoting a whole podcast episode to them.  

Both the blog and the podcast aim to inspire critical dialogue about issues that are important to our collective health and well-being.  Sometimes these issues are interrelated in complicated ways, and I think it's important for us to have space and opportunity to attempt disentangling those political complexities.

Generally speaking, PLS is a community, a space of support, a sounding board, a whipping post.  Here we beat out the frustrations, ask the hard questions, say the unsayable, and speak truth to power.  Here, we ARE. 

PEACEFULLY, 

SAINT SANKOFA